please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
