i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
