I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
