the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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