Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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