he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
