I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
