I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
