I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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