Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
