dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
