It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
