pop tarts are not kleenex
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
