You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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