It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
