Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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