So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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