I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
