If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
