half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
