yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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