Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
