I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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