she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she looked like the before picture.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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