the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
