Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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