My underwear smells like fireworks.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
