if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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