I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Green mimosas i think yes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
