guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
