You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
