I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
