ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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