batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
