a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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