I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
