I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
