he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
