Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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