Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
