bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
