Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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