i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
