where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
