i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
