nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
