I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
tell me about the fingering
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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