i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
