I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He passed out mid-signature
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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