You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
