I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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