Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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