You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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