I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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