my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
