wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
