Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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