I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
